But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
