I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
