She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
