i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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