I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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