I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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