I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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