She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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