I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
operation have a gay friend backfired
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
