Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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