): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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