everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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