Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just pee around me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
