When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
