i already hear my dad disowning me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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