Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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