you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
