remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
