nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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