I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
