Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
