Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
