My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
