Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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