Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
do nipples grow back?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
