Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
