if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
