you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
