my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
