it was like eating out sand paper
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
