I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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