I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
