just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
