ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
