so that wasnt chicken after all
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
