bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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