She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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