two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
