a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
