There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
this hospital has no fireball
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
