Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
