Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
