but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
