I am spending my child support on dildos
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
