Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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