"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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