So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
