I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
