I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
