I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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