you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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