well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
