I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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