I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
